#007: Users

[F.U.C.K. is an e-zine that I started on January 24, 1993 and ended on January 24, 2000. One concept is that articles should be timeless if possible, so they were not released with dates. As such, the date on this blog is not exact but I will try to use a date as close as possible.]

Well. Got a new local board. It is called a newbie board and is full of newbies. Bah. Since then, there has been a big argument about newbies, “elite”, and other types of BBSers. I guess I define newbie as “Anyone who displays a lack of knowledge regarding a BBS.” This means that someone could BBS for years yet still be considered a newbie. Just as well, someone who has been BBSing for a short amount of time can display everything the veterans do. Time has nothing to do with it really.

When BBSing I try to help out a new person if I can. If they just ask a question then i will answer it. If they cop an attitude then I will be one of the first to slam them. (evil ain’t I?) Anyway, a few others basically said it is wrong for me to correct a new person if he is doing something wrong. The following is a few things about BBSing that I hope all new people read. The first set of items are a list of things to do and not do. As it says, it was written by a sysop, and I would bet most sysops would agree to most of the items.

Author unknown (but clearly a sysop)

  1. Don’t habitually hang up on a system. Every Sysop is aware that accidental disconnections happen once in a while but we do tend to get annoyed with people who hang up every single time they call because they are either too lazy to terminate properly or they labor under the mistaken assumption that the 10 seconds they save online is going to significantly alter their phone bill. “Call Waiting” is not an acceptable excuse for long. If you have it and intend to use the line to call BBS systems, you should either have it disconnected or find some other way to circumvent it.
  2. Don’t do dumb things like leave yourself a message that says “Just testing to see if this thing works”. Where do you think all those other messages came from if it didn’t work? Also, don’t leave whiney messages that say “Please leave me a message “. If ever there was a person to ignore, it’s the one who begs someone to leave him a message. If you want to get messages, start by reading the ones that are already online and getting involved in the conversations that exist.
  3. Don’t use the local equivalent of a chat command unless you really have some clear cut notion of what you want to say and why. Almost any Sysop is more than happy to answer questions or offer help concerning his system. Unfortunately, because about 85% of the people who call want to chat and about 99% of those people have absolutely nothing to say besides “How old are you?” or something equally irrelevent, fewer Sysops even bother answering their pagers every day.
  4. When you are offered a place to leave comments when exiting a system, don’t try to use this area to ask the Sysop questions. It is very rude to the other callers to expect the Sysop to carry on a half visible conversation with someone. If you have a question or statement to make and expect the Sysop to respond to it, it should always be made in the section where all the other messages are kept. This allows the Sysop to help many people with the same problem with the least amount of effort on his part.
  5. Before you log on with your favorite pseudonym, make sure that handles are allowed. Most Sysops don’t want people using handles on the system. There is not enough room for them, they get silly games of one-upmanship started, it is much nicer to deal with a person on a personal basis, and last but not least, everyone should be willing to take full responsibility for his actions or comments instead of slinging mud from behind a phoney name.
  6. Take the time to log on properly. There is no such place as RIV, HB, ANA or any of a thousand other abbreviations people use instead of their proper city. You may think that everyone knows what RIV is supposed to mean, but every BBS has people calling from all around the country and I assure you that someone from Podunk Iowa has no idea what you’re talking about.
  7. Don’t go out of your way to make rude observations like “Gee, this system is slow”. Every BBS is a tradeoff of features. You can generally assume that if someone is running a particular brand of software, that he is either happy with it or he’ll decide to find another system he likes better. It does nobody any good when you make comments about something that you perceive to be a flaw when it is running the way the Sysop wants it to. Constructive criticism is somewhat more welcome. If you have an alternative method that
    seems to make good sense then run it up the flagpole.
  8. When leaving messages, stop and ask yourself whether it is necessary to make it private. Unless there is some particular reason that everyone shouldn’t know what you’re saying, don’t make it private. We don’t call them PUBLIC bulletin boards for nothing, folks. It’s very irritating to other callers when there are huge blank spots in the messages that they can’t read and it stifles interaction between callers. [On the other hand, don’t post stuff in public that would be totally obscure to everybody except one person.
    — Tim]
  9. If your favorite BBS has a time limit, observe it. If it doesn’t, set a limit for yourself and abide by it instead. Don’t tie up a system until it finally kicks you off and then call back with another name. This same rule applies to downloading or playing games. Only one person at a time can be logged on to a BBS and it isn’t fair to everyone else if you overstay your welcome. Remember, a BBS is best when it can be left wide open. If you try and cheat the rules you just hurt everybody by forcing the Sysop to adopt more strigent policies. I can’t count the number of systems that are now locked tighter than a drum because of people who cheat and abuse.
  10. Don’t call a BBS just to look at the list of other BBS numbers. Most especially don’t call a system as a new user and run right to the other numbers list. There is probably very little that’s more annoying to any Sysop than to have his board completely passed over by you on your way to another board.
  11. Have the common courtesy to pay attention to what passes in front of your face. When a BBS displays your name and asks “Is this you?”, don’t say yes when you can see perfectly well that it is mispelled. Also, don’t start asking questions about simple operation of a system until you have thouroghly read all of the instructions that are available to you. I assure you that it isn’t any fun to answer questions about the way a BBS does one particular thing or another for the thousandth time when the answer is prominently displayed in the instructions or bulletins, if a caller would only bother to look. On the other hand, if you have read the instructions, and find them to be vague, take the time to leave the Sysop a nice message telling him about your problem and explain how it might be changed to help others understand better.
  12. If by some chance you should encounter an error while you are online (Heaven forbid!), ALWAYS take the time to leave the Sysop a message describing the circumstances. Don’t just say “There was an error”. That is not helpful in the least. Chances are that he knows there was an error. What he needs to know is what you were doing when the error occurred so that he can have some chance of finding and correcting it. If the error happened after you input something, tell him what it was. Remember that a BBS can’t improve
    unless you’re willing to help.
  13. Don’t be personally abusive. It doesn’t matter whether you like a Sysop or think he’s a jerk. The fact remains that he has a large investment in making his computer available, usually out of the goodness of his heart. If you don’t like a Sysop or his system, just remember that you can change the channel any time you want. Calling a Sysop names or making uninformed comments about this lifestyle only shows you for the child you really are.
  14. Keep firmly in mind that you are a guest on any BBS you happen to call. Don’t think of logging on as one of your basic human rights. Every person that has ever put a computer system online for the use of other people has spent a lot of time and money to do so. While he doesn’t expect nonstop pats on the back, it seems reasonable that he should at least be able to expect fair treatment from his callers. This includes following any of the rules for system use he has laid out without grumping about it. Every Sysop has his own idea of how he wants his system to be run. It is really none of your business why he wants to run it the way he does. Your business is to either abide by what he says, or call some other BBS where you feel that you can obey the rules.

These are my own and are based on observations of local users and their reactions to various posting “styles”.

  2. Avoid excessive use of color, especially flashing red.
  3. Do not interupt a conversation with something totally unrelated.
  4. Do not profess to know everything about BBSing.
  5. Do not take all insults seriously. If there is a or other sign
    that shows it is in jest, take it as that.

Yep. That is about all. That is the basics. Follow those basics and you will “fit in” with the other BBSers. Some say that this takes away from individuality but it doesn’t. It is easy to develp a posting style that is unique, yet follow each of those rules.

The following is a small list of different symbols and abbreviations that are commonly used on BBSs. This list is not complete and many may not be used where you BBS.

ADN Any day now
AFAIK As Far As I Know
AMF Goodbye (Adios Mutha-……)
BBS Bulletin Board System
BTW By The Way
DIIK Damned if I know
FITB Fill In The Blank….
FWIW For What It’s Worth
FYI For Your Information
GIWIST Gee I Wish I’d Said That
IC I See
IMHO In My Humble Opinion
IMNSHO In My Not So Humble Opinion
IOW In Other Words
L8R Later
LOL Laughing Out Loud
NBFD No Big Fing Deal OIC Oh, I See OTOH On The Other Hand PFM Pure Fing Magic
PITA Pain In The Arse
POV Point Of View
ROTFL Rolling On The Floor Laughing
ROTFLMAO Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off
RSN Real Soon Now
RTFM Read The F..k… Manual
SYSOP System Operator
TPTB The Powers That Be
TTBOMK To The Best Of My Knowledge
TTFN Ta Ta For Now
TTUL Talk To You Later
WTF What the F***

🙂 :-> 🙂 :> Smiling, happy face; don’t take me too seriously
B-) Above, but poster wears glasses or sunglasses
😎 Same as previous; also used to denote wide-eyed look
😦 Sad or angry face
😉 Winking happy face (something said tongue-in-cheek)
😛 Tongue stuck out
:-b Same as previous
😀 Wider happy face (or mouth open too much)
😮 “Oh, nooooooo!” (a la Mr. Bill)
#:-o Same as previous
<:-) Dumb questions
oo “Somebody’s head-lights are on” messages
😉 Wink ( take this message with a grain of salt)
|-( Late night messages
@>—>—- A rose.

Of course you can devise your own little signs and stuff but be careful that they are understandable. If you make your own abbreviations make sure that they are explained at one time and that they don’t get to long.

These are just a few helpful hints to help you better enjoy BBSing. Take them as you want to but know that they are not just the likes and dislikes of a single BBSer.


#006: F.U.C.K. Anthology I

[F.U.C.K. is an e-zine that I started on January 24, 1993 and ended on January 24, 2000. One concept is that articles should be timeless if possible, so they were not released with dates. As such, the date on this blog is not exact but I will try to use a date as close as possible.]

Come, my friends, ’tis not too late to seek a newer world.

Stress-n- The condition or confusion that arises when the brain overrides the body’s desire to choke the hell out of some idiot who really needs it.

Optical Rectosis? A condition when the optic nerves are connected to the rectum and an individual has a shitty outlook on life.

Latin is a language that’s as dead as can be; first it killed the Romans and now its killing me.

From perils come pearls and power. – Kender Saying

If you take your leaders too seriously, then they’ll start taking themselves too seriously.

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

There are things known and there are things unknown, imbetween them lie the doors. – Doors

“Diversity in culture, in ethnicity, and in gender must be the standard, not the exception, for the goals we seek.” – Richard F. Peck

We cannot all truly be masters, nor all masters can truly befollowed.

“Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” – Lord Acton

Don’t change color to match the walls. Look like you belong and the walls will change color to match you. – Kender Saying

The Human Syndrome? An affliction that causes a being to have hatred and mistrust toward other beings for no apparent reason. (No cure has yet been found.)

Accept what you can not change.

Space is infinite without ending, all within just beginning. – Prime Directive

Civilization. The death of dreams.

Death was the twin brother of life and the more interesting of the two. It was secretive, unknown, mysterious. It was inevitable and forever when it came. It was a dark, infinitely chambered fortress waiting to be explored. Most entered only once and then only because they had no choice. – The Druid of Shannara, Terry Brooks

Without the heart there can be no connection between mind and hand.

“Good Morning!” “What do you mean? Do you wish me a goodmorning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”

“War is an endeavor never entered into lightly, though there are many reasons to fight.”

Only the dead are without fear.

Luck is simply the advantage a true warrior gains in executing the correct course of action. – Drizzt Do’Urden, The Halfling’s Gem

Never confuse honor with stupidity.

A tiring opponent will often move with all of his strength at once. But rarely will he move in the apparent direction, the directionthat he thinks you think he is moving in.

“Death is a commingling of eternity with time; in the death of a good man, eternity is seen looking through time.” – Goethe

“As I stand in darkness, I feel the warmth of the light upon my skin and I know my face is turned toward the sun. I can look in to the sun, for my eyes are forever shrouded by darkness. But if you who can see look too long in the sun, you will lose your sight, just as those who live too long in the darkness will gradually lose theirs.” – Test of the Twins, Margaret Weis + Tracy Hickman

“Nobility is not hereditary, it is based upon one’s actions.” – Robin Hood

Anticipation of death is worse than death itself.

Dr. Doolittle’s Alimentary Deduction: Never, never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

To know thyself is the ultimate form of aggression. (Freudian Psychology)

Los Angeles Miranda Warning:

You have the right to remain silent.

You also have the right to swing first. However, if you choose to swing first any move you make can and will be used as an excuse to beat the shit out of you. Cooperating can be interpreted as hostile.

You have the right to have a doctor and a priest present. If you cannot afford a doctor and are not presently attending a church of your own choice one will be appointed for you to administer last rites to you.

Los Angeles Miranda Warning:
You have the right to remain silent.
You also have the right to swing first. However, if you choose to swing first any move you make can and will be used as an excuse to beat the shit out of you. Cooperating can be interpreted as hostile.
You have the right to have a doctor and a priest present. If you cannot afford a doctor and are not presently attending a church of your own choice one will be appointed for you to administer last rites to you.
Do you understand what I have told you asshole?

Sometimes I think life is a terminal illness. – Spencer Tracy

“Death is a dignitary who when he comes announced is to be received with formal manifestations of respect, even by those most familiar with him.” – Ambrose Bierce

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. – Samuel Johnson

“There’s not to make reply,
There’s not to question why,
There’s but to do or die.”

The art of silence is as great as that of speech.

The more general the title of a course, the less you will learnfrom it. – Rominger’s Rule for Students

  • Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
  • Things will go wrong at the worst possible time.
  • If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will go wrong is the one that will do the most damage.
  • Left to themselves, things will go from bad to worse.
  • When properly attended to ,things will go from bad to worse.
  • Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
  • If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
  • No good deed goes unpunished.
  • Don’t mess with Mrs. Murphy
  • Dimensions will always be expressed in the least usable terms. For example, Velocity will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight.
  • In the hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.

Foreboding? Premonition? I do not believe in such things, for they imply a higher power, an immortal hand and mind meddling in the affairs of men. – Fire Sea, Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman

Another man’s story is his to tell or to keep hidden, as he chooses. – Fire Sea, Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman

Of the chief parts of the Ruling Passion, only this can be truly said: Hate has a reason for everything, but love is unreasonable. – Romulan Proverb

All is permissible until one is caught. – Romulan Proverb

It is death that gives life its meaning. Death, the great equalizer. Man, woman, peasant, king, rich, poor: all of us fellowtravelers to our journey’s end. Life is sacred, precious, a thingto value, to cherish, not to be taken lightly or wantonly. You havelost all respect for death and thereby all respect for life. – Fire Sea, Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman

All trust is foolish.

Darkness is both friend and enemy.

The best knife is the unseen one.

The foolish and unwary find surprises?and among them, waitingdeath.

Trust no one more than yourself.

Those who watch their backs meet their death from the front.

Remember your gods and keep their faith, or you will suffer assurely as the wicked.

Know thyself – because in the end there’s no one else. – Solace of You, Living Colour

Heaven doesn’t want me and hell is scared I’ll take over.

Don’t steal… the government hates competition.

Increase the Peace

Either they don’t know, it don’t show, or don’t care about what’s going on in the hood. – Boyz n the Hood

Only those who play can be serious. – Marcel Duchamp

We never stop to contemplate the present for we can not; it passes to quickly. – John Hejduk

All of life is a waking dream, and death is the final awakening.

The entire key to diplomacy is sincerity. Once that can be faked, the rest is simple.

Outside of traffic, there is nothing that has held this country back as much as committees.

A dead martyr is worth ten posturing leaders. – ST:TNG Episode

In a democracy, as freedom increases, equality decreases, and viceversa.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Always acknowledge a fault frankly, this will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to make more.

Self is the only person that can ever bind the soul. – Henry Van Dyke

I believe the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible…to systematize confusionand contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality. – Salvador Dali

The more prohibitions you have, the less virtuous people will be.
The more weapons you have, the less secure people will be.
The more subsidies you have, the less self?reliant people will be.
Therefore the master says: I let go of law, and people become
honest, I let go of economics, and people become prosperous, I let
go of religion and people become serene, I let go of all desire for
the common good and the good becomes as common as grass.

The truth is more important than the facts. – Frank Lloyd Wright

When you want to fool the world, tell the truth. – Otto Von Bismarck

He who talks to much cannot talk well. – Carlo Goldini

Depression is for those who pity themselves. Anger is for those who pity society.

You have a bad habit – you breath.

Assassination: The extreme form of censorship.

When in charge – Ponder
When in trouble – Delegate
When in doubt – Mumble

Those of you who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.

Just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.

Organization is for the idiots, only the genius understands Chaos!

Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. You won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.

Ordinary people choose their friends, but a genius chooses his enemies.

“And what is an angel but a ghost in drag?” – Stan Rice, 1983

“Is there in all the world a concept more fleeting, more elusive?” – Drizzt Do’Urden, Talking about Love, The Legacy (SA Salvatore)

“What loss is death if life is not the be lived?” – Drizzt Do’Urden, The Legacy (RA Salvatore)

“Knowledge itself is power” – Francis Bacon

“The only thing every mortal has in common is death”

Death is no respecter of age.

Any politician who starts shouting election?year demagoguery about the rich and the poor should be asked, “What about the other 90 percent of the people?” – Thomas Sowell

Irony is the one constant in the universe.

“…There is a very fine line between pride and humility…everyone needs to find that line and realize that for all we are worth, for all the ego that everyone has…we are very insignificant in the cosmic scheme of things…” – Shaun Long

Imagination is more important than knowledge. – Einstein

When all is done, it is not to die? It is to die well…

Love is for poets.

Just because everything is different doesn’t mean anything haschanged. – Southern California Oracle

The most merciful thing in the world … is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. – H.P. Lovecraft

When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I’ve never tried before. – Mae West

Honest Officer, had I known my health stood in jeopardy I would never had lit one. – Maxim Of The Hells Angels

You cant underestimate the power of fear. – Tricia Nixon

The whole earth is in jail and we’re plotting this incredible jailbreak. – Wavy Gravy

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. – Buckminster Fuller

Stay out of the road, if you want to grow old. – Pink Floyd

I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. – Oscar Wilde

Anyone can hate. it costs to love. – John Williamson

I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. – Ashleigh Brilliant

We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it. – Dwight D. Eisenhower

Eeny Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak. – Bullwinkle Moose

Vique’s Law: A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.

“Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on…” – Winston Churchill

“We have met the enemy and he is us” – Walt Kelly

Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.

You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not, the universe
Is laughing behind your back.

“Anarchy is the base of todays society, without it, we would be in chaos” – Anarchist

“To keep your secret is wisdom, to expect others to keep it is folly.” – Samuel Johnson

“Every tyrant who has lived has believed in freedom-for himself.” – Elbert Hubbard

“The essence of war is violence. Moderation in war is embicility.” – John A. Fisher

“Complete equality means universal irresponsibility.” – T.S. Elliot

“An argument needs no reason, nor a friendship”

“I both love and do not love, and am mad and am not mad.”

The cautious seldom err.

Have no friends not equal to yourself.

Nothing endures but change.

Life is one long struggle in the dark.

What is left when honor is lost? – Publilius Syrus

Hell is paved with priest’s skulls. – St. John Chrysostom

The finest edge is made with the blunt whetstone.
Night hath a thousand eyes.

Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est. – “Knowledge is power”

Of all the base passions, fear is most accursed.

A politician…one that would circumvent God.

I do not attack fools, but foolishness. – Jacques du Laurens

Pleasure is nothing else but the intermission of pain.

Hell is full of good meanings and wishings.

The reasonable moderator, and equal piece of justice, Death.

Life is what happens while you’re making other plans.

Teenagers by definition, don’t fit into society. – Prince of Tides

“Be either hot or cold. Be not lukewarm or I shall vomit you out of my mouth.”

We cannot live by power, and a culture that seeks to live by it becomes brutal and sterile. But we can die without it. – Max Lerner

“What shall it profit a man if he should gain the whole world and lose his own soul” – Mark 8:36

“War: That mad game the world so loves to play”

Compiled by Dam