#013: Good vs. Evil

[F.U.C.K. is an e-zine that I started on January 24, 1993 and ended on January 24, 2000. One concept is that articles should be timeless if possible, so they were not released with dates. As such, the date on this blog is not exact but I will try to use a date as close as possible.]


BEFORE you erase this after reading the title sit back for a sec. This isn’t another file about good vs. evil in general. This is more specific and much more enlightening(cough). We all know the difference between the two so no stupid definitions or anything like that.

Also. This is really hard to write about I think, course I haven’t written about it so I don’t really know. Anyway, lots of chaotic thoughts swirling around in my head and that is one of the reasons I am putting this down on “paper”. Just bear with me like usual, think about ramblings, and THEN delete the file. Or mail it to a few senators and representatives. And when I say good and evil it means lifestyle OR attitude. Think about it and you can probably figure what I am getting at. These files are always pretty simple I think.

Ok. Right now I lead a “good” life. I repay debts, I obey a lot of stupid laws, I am willing to give to a lot of people, am willing to take a lot of shit from a lot of people, somewhat caring about some things, etc. Overall I am good natured. My best friend and I always borrow money from each other but he is a stubborn ass about it sometime and won’t let me repay him which usually gets me feeling sorta bad knowing I still owe him something. That shows he is a good person as well really. Anyway, we both are giving to each other and basically to other people. Him much more than I. When you look at it from a larger point of view you start to see how much you are actually gaining and losing.

Gains: I keep a really good friend. This friend could/would help me out if I was in a bad spot. He is always there if I really need a few bucks, or other favor. Whether the favor is big or small he is there for me and I always have that “safety blanket” to fall back on. And no matter how cheesy it sounds you do sort of get a good feeling from doing good things that benefit others without personal gain. Or if you are good natured toward a stranger you can often times end up meeting a cool person, nice girl, etc. and gain a new friend out of it. I get tired of the what if scenarios but a little one for you. -What if you help some old guy help change a flat on the side of the road. Turns out he is wealthy and repays you quite well for you willing to help him.- I know that is far fetched these days because of a lack of good people. Everyone is out for themselves it seems and no one gives a shit about the other person.

Losses: In the long run you lose a good deal of money if you are generous in that way. I know I don’t lose a lot with my friend because he will usually/always pay me back in one way or another. So money isn’t a thing for us but if you are willing to give a guy a quarter here, a dime here, and so forth it adds up. No matter how small you think it is. Heard the song by Arrested Development? Called Mr. Wendal and it is a good song. The first part of the song gets me to thinking. The song goes like this: “Here have a dollar, in fact naw brotherman here have two. Two dollars is a snack for me, but it means a big deal to you….Now that I know ’em to give him money isn’t charity, he gives me some knowledge I buy him some food…

I think it would be pretty cool if you could give a bum a few bucks in exchange for some wisdom. You know that living years on the street will teach a person a lot of things and passing them on is a good thing. I say it all the time but Knowledge is Power. That is all there is to it. Anyway, just a few bucks of monetary loss seems like little but you never know. Other losses, time. If you help out people with small stuff and help them do this or help them do that it eventually adds up and takes a good chunk of time out of your days(depending how good and helpful you are).

So those are a few gains and losses. I am not saying run out and be good this second because that is not in everyone’s nature. I know that pretty damn well these days. But look at the possible advantages and weigh it against the losses. Seems quite the good deal to me.

Next, if you lead an “evil” life or have an “evil” attitude. Ok. Not so much evil but more like you don’t give a shit about yourself. I mean evil or looking out for yourself or whatever you want to call it. So you don’t lend money to people, no matter how much, you don’t waste your valuable time helping other lowly peons with anything, especially if it is something obviously caused by their own stupidity. You don’t care who you offend, what you say to them, what they think of you, or what might happen because of your actions.

When you do share it is only with those few individuals you “trust”, for lack of a better word. What you do share is minimal and usually only if you know you might get repaid in the near future. You don’t tell them much about yourself, only enough to satisfy curiosity. You see a quick way to profit then you take it, whether it hurts another, is illegal, or immoral. “Trust” in your book isn’t really trust. It is more of a “I know I won’t get backstabbed by you” rather than “I have faith in you”. You don’t take shit
from anyone no matter who it is. You have to have the last word.

Gains: You don’t answer to anyone. You don’t lose time or money. You have very few friends and even fewer people that you can really trust. That can be good or bad of course. Hmm. Not much more than that.

Losses: Possible friendship that can save your ass in many occasions. That “security blanket” to have under you in case you need something small or important. A social life. While you hang out with the few people you know and/or like you miss out on a lot of other social aspects.

Remember that all the above gains and losses, these are not always the truth and not all may happen at the same time. I guess I lean toward a slightly evil side (muhahaha) or at least my friends tell me that.

I don’t know what all this means to you and no doubt you realized a lot of that but probably didn’t think about it much. Whether a person acts good or evil really does make a difference in your daily life. Whether it is some guy willing to help you with something or some other guy that doesn’t care that your car got a flat because of the nail under your tire that he saw and could have told you about.

Cheesy or not. Think about being good a LITTLE more. I am getting tired of all the evils that you run across out there that just don’t give a shit. Think about it and peace.

#012: Money, Bleh

[F.U.C.K. is an e-zine that I started on January 24, 1993 and ended on January 24, 2000. One concept is that articles should be timeless if possible, so they were not released with dates. As such, the date on this blog is not exact but I will try to use a date as close as possible.]


“The library cut $150,000 worth of journals in 1988, $250,000 in 1991, and $45,000 in 1992 because of increasing journal subscription prices.” Read that today in my school paper. I go to Texas Tech University in a backward town called Lubbock. Lessee, Tech has I think 25,000 people enrolled or so. We have a big campus, largest in the state as a matter of fact and it is honestly quite nice. We have a football stadium, library, and all those neato things that go with colleges. What we don’t have is money. Tech cuts budgets left and right, cuts spending everywhere, and yet I don’t see why really. Tech upped its standards this year to get in but they have been cutting for years. Inflation? That might do it some but usually as inflation goes up, income goes up a little to adjust for that. Anyway, I hate Tech for that reason and I think I will bitch about it a little. Of course I have examples of why Tech can’t afford shit and I bet if you look on the local college campus you will find the same thing.

Ok. I pay out of state tuition. My parents live out of state and Tech’s rules for declaring residency are strict. I pay about $5,000 a semester after housing, tuition, books, and spending money. A lot I know but I don’t see much of that. Anyway, I pay quite a bit right? Well, some of the local people pay a lot less. No problem. I was walking through the dorm lobby last year and stopped. In front of me was a huge table of cookies, chips, cokes, and other snacks. Not the cheap brands of cookies and cokes but the brand names. The table had to have at least a hundred dollars worth of food there. I look around wondering what the occasion is…hmm…I see a bunch of big guys walking in with suitcases. I see a lot of shirts that say “Tech Football” and stuff so I quickly guess that this is the Tech football team. From the time they got there, to the time I left I have never seen so much pampering in my life. They got food, people to carry their luggage, easy check in, no hastles in general. These are the same people that pay NOTHING because of scholarships for sports. So they pay nothing, and get a hell of a lot. Where does that money come from? My tuition I bet. Pisses me off that I am paying for shit like that. I didn’t get any kind of welcome like that. I had a hell of a time getting into my dorm room, no refreshments, etc. and I am the one paying all the money. Hmm.

I played on the Tech Rugby team for 2 semesters. The first semester we were 2nd in the state. The team supported itself. We bought our own uniforms, own food, own transportation, etc. Tech gave the team nothing at all. The football team has a stadium, lots of money, and a shitty record. They suck basically.

When I pay my tuition why can’t I say where the money goes? I don’t give a shit about football and quite frankly the other sports. I came for an education and yet I find myself in an English class with 450 people in it because they can’t afford more profs. The library has cut 2,200 different magazines from its subscription list. Why the hell can’t they see that they need to attend their own business college?

Business. Ranked like 150+ in the nation. Engineering. Ranked in the top 50 or so. Architecture. Ranked in the top 5. Take a guess which one doesn’t get shit for money? I was an ARCH major for 2 years. There was a shortage of profs, supplies, class space, and everything else. 1 of the 4 elevators worked, the building looked like shit, the classes were overcrowded and the department got cuts each year. That department drew many kids to the university in the first place yet they get nothing.

Anyway, you see where I am leading? Tech can’t spend its money worth shit. Nothing more than that. They seem to get a lot of money in yet don’t know what the hell to do with it.

Ok. Second part. Money in general. Money is evil. I hate it but need it of course. Look what money has done for our society. Not much good really. And remember, we are talking about money, not what it gets you. What it has done is corrupted people, cause major problems for the economic system which we have to fight with all the time. People with money have all these wonderful items, great luxuries, and other bullshit that they barely use. Look at all the people without homes, jobs, food, etc. Not in other countries but in our own. Hate to drive it into the ground but it is a problem. A problem we can solve but don’t. Congress is too damn lazy to deal with it and fix the problem. Most of the people in office don’t belong at all. They are the ones that steal from the people, don’t give a shit about the people in general, and hoard the wealth. They are somehow voted in by the people and then right after are wanted ousted by the same people. Anyway.

So money has corrupted these people. Makes people worry about day to day shit that we should be able to not worry about. If you are out of cash and just forgot to run by the ATM your fucked. What happened to the nice days of going into the store and hearing this:

“Well, looks like I am out of money, guess I will have to come by later and get the groceries”

“Ahh, don’t worry about it. I will just put it on a tab and you can pay me later when you come in.”

These days everyone is out for themselves. A few weeks ago I realized I was the same way. Although it would be cool to keep borrowing and never have to repay it because the person is a really good friend it really bugs me for some reason. Call me stupid or whatever but I hate debts.

Money can also ruin people in other ways. Lets say someone has a lot of money and they hit a string of bad luck and lose a lot of it. They can still be financially sound but if other colleagues hear of that then the reputation of that person gets trashed. They get labeled as “poor” or “can’t handle money” or something. All bullshit but true.

Recently I have tried to downplay money in my life and in others if I can do it. Try not to emphasize it in any aspect, etc. but it is a sad part of our life. Bah. Enough drivel. Take all that for what you will and just think about shit. Peace.

#011: That Social Thang

[F.U.C.K. is an e-zine that I started on January 24, 1993 and ended on January 24, 2000. One concept is that articles should be timeless if possible, so they were not released with dates. As such, the date on this blog is not exact but I will try to use a date as close as possible.]


Yet another of these damned files. Bear with me as I am in a weird mood yet again. I sat back in class today and pondered the whole social scheme that I am forced to participate in. You are too, by the way. Each and every one of us must be a part of a caste system of sorts where each person fits neatly into a group whether they know/like it or not. I think that I fit into the “nobody” or “geek” class myself. Of course I didn’t put myself there but oh well. Its just your life. (And I will deal with the other groups later on in some other file.)

When I say it is your life I mean that later, people will look back at what you have done, who you have been affiliated with, and such. Were you a boy/girl scout? Were you part of a fraternity/sorority? You may think that is trivial right now but it isn’t. If you were an Eagle Scout then your odds of being hired go up. If you are part of a fraternity then your odds go up for being hired. Don’t ask me to prove that, I have read that shit in other magazines at one time or another. Anyway, I want to deal with fraternities and sororities right now. (If I refer to a frat it means fraternity OR sorority OR both)

A frat is a social group. An elite clique of people that get together every so often and do shit with/to each other or whatnot. First, you get to go through some sort of initiation. These are just a few things I have heard that a frat will make you do as part of that.

  • Carry a plant around for a week, EVERYWHERE you go. Can’t let it die.
  • Get handcuffed to a girl, then eat a huge meal full of some kind of laxative. The handcuffs will be removed 2 days later.
  • When walking/driving you can’t touch anything red.
  • Can’t associate with certain people.
  • Can’t talk(literally) to any non-frat type person.

Basically shit like that. Ok. So what does this do? Is this mental discipline? If so why not test them over something, make them memorize something. This stuff is embarrassing. Really nothing else to it when it all comes down to it. I ask why these frat people embarrass future members…is it because when they become full members they won’t have to be worried about being made fun of? Or are they getting them used to what many people will think of them? I say it is the latter. Frats are geared toward the “elite” of todays society. They consist of the “smart”, the rich, or those with the right parents. You can buy your way into a frat, earn your way in, or have your parents get you into the same one they were in. So what is the point of it all really? I have seen signs that say a frat will increase your grades, help you meet lots of new and interesting people, get job experience, and loads of other bullshit that I don’t exactly buy.

If you join one you definitely meet a lot of new people, no doubt about that. What else do you do? You go to swell mixers with specific other frats and sororities. So you have this group of people that you hang out with and that is cool and everything. But if you hang out with other people then you run the risk of being an outcast or not as well liked by your fellow frat brothers. What else….you get to set fashion trends. What you wear or dress like or appear as can set a new trend before you even change clothes again. One person in your frat does it, next a brother is doing it, then a slight change and a sorority is doing it, then the rest of the frats are doing it, and you have just set a trend. Whoopty fuckin’ doo sez me.

Ok. So you have all these frats, or elite groups of snobs in most cases. Seems that being a snob is a pre-requisite to being a frat member. Anyway, you have all these frats that will only mix with certain other frats. They usually won’t socialize with other frats and usually not with GDIs (God Damn Independents). Why don’t they mix with all these other people? Are they scared? I think so. I think they are scared to mix with all the other people they so despise because they will realize that all these other people are a lot like them, have some common views, or they are actually better than them. Seems to me that is the whole point of them.

Look at who is in a frat. You usually have really popular people. They were popular in high school, they were popular outside of high school, and they are generally popular in college. They have quite a few friends, many friends of the opposite sex, etc. So why do they join these frats? Seems to me that all those people in high school that had a hard time getting friends or getting a date should be in a frat. That way they are guaranteed friends, guaranteed a social life, and stuff. These are the people that need these socially elite groups.

Next, how bout these mixers. Each mixer has a specific theme, and in many cases they are potentially offensive to a minority group, whether it is a racial minority or “ethical” minority. Recently here at Texas Tech, there was a mixer called “Party in the Projects”. This mixer basically made fun of black people and it caused a whole lot of “racial tension” on the campus, gave people something to talk about, and stuff to keep up with.

The whole point of this babbling is to think about why frats exist. Unless it is a service frat or something it is nothing more than a big kids club with “Special Neato Membership” and shit. Most, if not all, of my friends despise these frats. One friend, will not date a sorority chick even though she is really cute and everything. Just the principle of it I guess. I have been sorta put on the spot as well. I got invited to a “blind date party” this week and found out later that it might be a mixer of some kind. I am supposed to be going out with a friend of a friend’s roommate. whatever is all I can say. I will go of course and be social but if it turns out to be full of frat boys and sorority girls I have a feeling that I will laugh the whole time. Not at them so much, as what they are doing. Like usual (and yes I have seen this over and over first hand) they will get drunk, blow chunks, and the next morning feel like shit. What a life.

All of the people I hang out with are BBSers really, or close to it. They are all against frats in the sense that they, like me, see it as complete and utter bullshit. Sad part is, us BBSers almost make up a frat, but in a little different way. I see it as just a group of (mostly) intelligent people that share their ideas and thoughts electronically, rather than half drunk in person at some rich guys house.

Enough babbling for me. Take all this how you want and think about it.

If you are actually in a frat AND reading this then think about why you are in it. Maybe I am totally screwed up and don’t know half of the story or something but I doubt it.

And even though I do it sometimes, try not to stereotype people for any reason. And try to be more social, especially with those people that you usually wouldn’t talk to for your own little reasons.

#009: The N.S.A.

[F.U.C.K. is an e-zine that I started on January 24, 1993 and ended on January 24, 2000. One concept is that articles should be timeless if possible, so they were not released with dates. As such, the date on this blog is not exact but I will try to use a date as close as possible.]


Those damn fedz. How many times have you heard or read that? A lot I bet. But do you HONESTLY ever think about that statement? For example, if you say it what part of “fedz” do you hate? Hmm. Makes you sorta think about what branches you know about… less… CIA, FBI, and the Secret Service. Right? How ’bout the NSA?

“NSA? What’s that?” Ahh. Glad you asked. NSA is a part of our government that we should all know about. In a recent movie, Sneakers, a small side of the NSA came out and was exposed to a lot of people. Most probably said “I didn’t know they existed.” Other said “Yeah, I knew about them but didn’t know what they did.” Bet a lot people still don’t know that much about them. When I went into the movie I didn’t know about them really. Well, good ole me went and decided I want to know a little more about them. Bad move. I found the one part of the government that scares me more than any other branch.

I went out and read the book The Puzzle Palace written by James Bamford. On the cover it says “Inside the national security agency, America’s most secret intelligence organization”. Yep. Most secret. That just begins it. Anyway, the following information was taken straight from the book and I think you should read it all. Pretty interesting stuff in there actually.

Do you know how big the NSA is?

  • July 1954- Project K was begun. $19,944,451 dollars. It called for a 3 story Glass and reinforced concrete structure in the shape of an ‘A’. 1.4 million-square-foot main building. 60,000 square foot basement.
  • Fall 1957- Project K completed. But it had cost $35,000,000 instead of $19 million.
  • June 1963- New Headquarters building started. Estimated cost $12 million. 512,000 square feet.

After it was done it made it the size of the CIA building, and the capitol of the US put together. It housed 7,560,000 linear feet of telephone wire, 70,000 square feet of permanently sealed windows, a cooling tower capable of holding 11 million gallons of water a day and the nation’s longest unobstructed corridor- 980 feet.

For the record:
CIA Building – 1,228,000 sq.ft.
Capitol Bldg.- 718,740 sq.ft.
Total – 1,946,740 sq.ft.
NSA Building – 1,912,000 sq.ft.

  • This NSA complex is surrounded by a ten-foot Cyclone fence crowned with multiple rows of barbed wire. Along the fence are warnings telling you not to take pictures or making sketches of the building. Inside this fence is another, consisting of five thin strands of high-voltage electrified wire attached to wooden posts. After that is ANOTHER Cyclone fence reinforcing the others. This last fence is occasionally patrolled by armed guards with dogs.
  • Within this building are many different security measure that will make you wonder what they are hiding. Anyway, there is a kitchen with people slaving over stoves 24 hours a day.
  • There is a medical complex with emergency unit, x-ray machine, operating rooms etc.
  • 1966 – The ‘S’ Building was completed. This $5.7 million dollar building is 261,516 sq.ft. and was designed as the home for the Agency’s Communications Security Organization (COMSEC).
  • Early 70’s – There were 5 buildings housing about 35 hundred men and women. Also added was a mess hall that can seat a thousand people, an $844,000 recreation building, and a $2,000,000 Troop Support building to house the administration activities of the three service cryptologic agencies.
  • 1972 – A $2.6 million Sensitive Materials Center was started to contain the millions of miles of intercept tapes produced yearly. The 100,000 sq.ft. facility holds millions of tapes.
  • 1973 – The $3.5 million Logistics Building was begun. Once the 125,400 sq.ft. building was completed the NSA spent $53,000 moving 700 vanloads of paper and office equipment. Half a million cubic feet of the building is used to store the paper on which intercepts are printed.

What to do with all that paper after it has been read, analyzed, and burned. In a 1980 report by the Government Accounting Office, the NSA classifies somewhere between 50 and 100 million documents a year.

Late 1972 – Plans for a $1.2 million “classified waste destructor” to get rid of all the excess paper

That enough for you? I think not.

Under way or now finished.

  • $6.5 million Facility Control Center
  • $2.5 million Logistics Support Center
  • $2.5 million addition to the Troop Support Facility
  • $2 million dollars are scheduled for road improvements
  • $3.5 million is scheduled for other stuff such as underground communications to a beefed up security check point.
  • $92 million – 1,000,000 sq.ft. addition to the Headquarters-Operations building complex.

Yep. That is 92 million. Add all that up and consider the years it was spent in. You have a part of the government that dwarves the FBI, the CIA, and the Secret Service, yet most people don’t know shit about it. You wonder where all that tax money REALLY goes? Do you know what the NSA really does?

In one sentence they basically try to keep the US government’s communications secure while trying to break other countries communications codes.

That is all they do. And they need all that equipment and all those people and all that money. You want to know more about what they do? Read the book Puzzle Palace by James Bamford. Damn interesting and damn scary.

Guess that is all. Just want to make people aware of the shadow you never knew you had.