Poetry #46: still frame life

[This was originally published in F.U.C.K. poetry Issue #46. The publish date is approximate.]

	lively animation of still frame life
	unfocused anticipation,
	        for the personification
	                of the culmination of times past
	face the hardship as a soldier   
	        facing his shadow knowing
	                it is only the harbinger of ill times

Movie Review: Mission to Mars

[This was originally published on attrition.org.]

Mars is one of the many recent space exploration movies, focused on the exploration/colonization of the planet Mars. The mystical red planet with the oh so famous ‘face‘ that lead people to wonder about ancient alien civilizations. Anyway, on to the movie…

As with any movie remotely technical or displaying technology, it is easy to mock it if it fails to meet up to your expectations of accuracy and believability. This movie went right out the window in the first fifteen minutes. Let me give a prime example.

So this space ship goes from a space station orbiting earth, all the way to Mars, some billion zillion fuckin miles away. The ship arrives at mars, where there is a single other orbiting supply craft (unmanned). Upon arriving, there is a problem which causes the space ship to explode, leaving the passengers in space suits, floating toward the unmanned craft as their only hope of survival. They do it! They make it to this unmanned ship and take control of it, using it to land on the planet to find the settlement that had gone quiet. Now.. suspend logic and common sense.

A rocket scientist back on the orbiting station brings “new data” to the mission commander. He says something like “I don’t get it. The ship disappeared off radar. 63 minutes later, the unmanned craft does a controlled entry and lands on mars. We can’t figure this out!”

Uh, hello? In movies, NASA rocket science doesn’t allow them to put 1 and 1 together.

A few other prime examples of disbelief. Computerized voices need oxygen too! As oxygen dwindles in a space craft, the computer voice giving their countdown to their death falters, as if it too has no oxygen.

Several months in space, three adult males don’t grow facial hair, or we never see them shave. But.. one guy on mars for a few months (living in a small colony with bleeding edge technology) ends up with bushy beard and super fro. Rar!

This movie is a chain of disasters, followed by a chain of amazing rescues taking away from half the movie. After a significant portion of the movie is spent on these near disasters, we get to the good stuff. Alien technology! The last fifteen minutes of the movie are kinda sorta neat in an overdone and sappy way. I think.

Movie Review: The Replacements

[This was originally published on attrition.org.]

When this movie came out, I quickly dismissed it as a movie I could live without. You have a sports reject team put together (Major League turned football), and Keanu Reaves (Dude..). These two thrown together didn’t seem like a winner pick at the time. Months later and one more movie rental under my belt, I have to admit I was wrong.

In short, this movie is about a pro-football player strike that leaves several teams with season ticket holders and fans, but without their players. Until the strike can be worked out and a settlement reached, coach Jimmy McGinty (Gene Hackman) must put together a replacement team lead by quarterback Shane Falco (Keanu Reeves) to last them four games. The catch? These four games would determine if the team would make it to the playoffs. Enter a bunch of losers and rejects! Just like Major League we have a religious nut, a convicted felon, etc. Hey, it worked for Major League (but not the sequels), so it can work for a football movie right? Along with the misfits of the team, the cheerleading squad is replaced by the staff of a local strip club, providing some amusing sideline dancing and spanking.

Enter Annabelle Farrell (Brooke Langton), the head cheerleader for the football team. I spent half the movie wondering why they would concentrate any camera time on Keanu when this beauty was in the movie. Mmmmm. Err, sorry, the review.

As the team begins to show signs of competency on the field, time draws closer to the playoffs bringing it to one game that will decide if they make it. This of course is prime time for the regular quarterback to cross the picket line and return to the field. With the replacement team loyal to Falco, the egotistical regular season quarterback, and pressure from the team owner, it provides for an interesting final game.

While the movie didn’t bring me to tears, it provided for a good amount of laughter and a whole lot of tingling in those ‘special places’, dreaming about naughty things that could be done to Brooke Langton. For one reason or another, I definitely recommend it.