Well, maybe not the only one, but this one promises to be fun! It started with such a
harmless Tweet, essentially Mike digging his own mouth-hole grave. From there it really spiraled out of control and it just keeps getting better.
This evening I put my Amazon skills where his mouth is and sent items, along with the offers to donate to charity on his behalf. Here’s how it works:
- I send him a food(ish) item.
- He has to consume it in some fashion. Restrictions or requirements may apply.
- He posts a picture or video of consumption.
- We believe he won’t hoodwink us.
- I donate to the charity of his choice!
If he completes all of the challenges below, to their fullest potential, he will raise $1,700 for charity. That said, we are both hoping that others will offer to donate a few bucks to see these challenges go down. Even better, if anyone will offer to match even one of the challenges, we could all do a lot of good here. At Mike’s expense, so really doing two types of good. If you’d like to pledge, send a tweet to @attritionorg with which challenge(s) you would like to sponsor and the charity pledge amount. Those who pledge will be added at the end of this blog!
Challenge #1: Blair’s Ultra Death Sauce! This is rated between 800,000 and 1,100,000 SHU depending on the site you read. Either way, this will bring some spice into his life. It may also cause him not to do #UnicornChef for a week as his taste buds regrow. This sauce is reportedly the hottest sauce that they have made, hotter than their “Mega Death” sauce. What’s in it? Red Habanero Pods, Cayenne Chiles, White Vinegar, Natural Pepper Flavor (contains Sotbean Oil), Tomato Puree, Pirri-Pirri Chiles, Pumpkin Seed, Lime Juice, Salt, and Spices. Look at that… tomatoes, lime juice, pumpkin seed, salt, and spices. All ingredients he has probably cooked with, so this one is an easy one. The bounty: $100 for eating a cracker or similar with a healthy dash of the sauce or $200 for shaking several dashes of sauce directly into his mouth-hole. An extra $50 for using it to prank his wife on video.
Challenge #2: Mrs. Butterworth’s Sugar Free Syrup! Note that I was generous and got him the sugar-free version of this. As a type-1 diabetic, I only want him to hate his mouth, not his pancreas. Anyway, this challenge is simple! Anyone familiar with the movie Super Troopers knows how this goes. Here’s a video clip reminder. Just tilt the head back, open the mouth-hole, and chug it down like a syrup pro. The bounty: $100 for chugging a quarter of the bottle. $200 for chugging half the bottle. $500 for chugging the entire thing in the same approximate time as we see in the movie.
Challenge #3: Fatworks, Pasture Raised Leaf Lard, a.k.a. “Baker’s Lard”, Artisanally Rendered, for Traditional & Gourmet Baking, Sautéing, and Frying. Bonus… this is keto and paleo friendly! This was Apacid’s idea along with the syrup. He’s quite sick in the head. I think one large spoonful stuffed into his mouth-hole to “chew” on is a sufficient challenge, then he can use the rest for cooking. No extra flavoring, no additives, just a nice chunk of pure lard. The bounty: $100 for a large spoonful. Bonus, he can redeem this bounty up to three times if done on the same day!
Challenge #4: Not believing these were good enough, then Mike made the mistake of proposing his own challenge to which I quickly agreed. “I’ll eat a bowl of dog kibble in maple syrup for your animal shelters out there.” If he completes all of the second challenge he’ll have to use his own maple syrup for this one. He gets to pick his favorite dog kibble and syrup, and eat at his leisure. Of course, if he drowns it in enough syrup he won’t taste the kibble but that is up to him. The bounty: $250 for the entire bowl, to the animal charity of his choice. He has chosen the New Hampshire SPCA for this one.
- John Rex – $100 for each of the first four challenges. [ref]