Box of Shit: The Kat Variance

For those who know about the sordid history of the Box of Shit, you know where the name comes from. While some may have thoughtful touches and some personalized items, they are generally fun junk. Behold, the Kat variance! After sending a true box of shit to her, a couple months pass and I get an epic, wonderfully prepared, designer box of greatness that surprised me several times over. Timing worked out so I opened it on Christmas and voilà, I had my own celebration in a box. But first, I had to taunt her, to make sure I was giving back as much as she gave me, even before I knew what that was. Given the pandemic, I of course had to let it stew for a bit before I could open it… for safety.

When I did, boy was I surprised. It was just like something you get wrapped at one of those tables in the mall before Christmas day, staffed by four elderly ladies that know how to wrap shit.

Four individually wrapped presents, a cloth sack, and four hidden candy canes surrounded by little strands of tissue ribbon worms that kind of haunt my dreams now. I found two going through my desk drawers this morning. The lush squirrels toasting the holidays were a nice touch but I think they are controlling the worms now. Do they look innocent to you?!

Anyway, if you look closely you may notice that they have orders dictating the order to be opened. But nothing about that little cloth sack. Do I open it first? Last? Dealer’s choice? This of course drove me crazy because you can’t violate the spirt of a box of shit, thems the rules dammit. Technically, I should open it after the third since that would not beak any rules, if you think about it. But I opened it first because I didn’t think about that until writing this blog. #fail

As a collector of squirrel currency (yes, it’s a thing!) and tokens, but not challenge coins, this was a great surprise. While I don’t collect them, I see a lot with my morning mails telling me what “squirrel coins” were put up for auction. “Squirrel challenge coin“, see? Despite that, I had never seen this variation of a secret squirrel challenge coin! Win! On to the first box…

A box of squirrel paper clips. Brilliant! Because what animal is more known for organizing than squirrels! Not only had I never seen these, I am actually running low on paper clips. The next time I print out emails and hand them to someone, beautifully bound with these, they will be impressed. Box #2…

Squirrels, the game! Collect Nuts, Cause Mayhem, Make Terrible Squirrel puns! Yes, yes, and more yes! At squirrel nutworking events I am known for cracking a good joke before I leaf for the night. The best part… never seen this game before. Three for three! Box #3…

The nanoblock NBC_178, aka the Squirrel! If you are looking at it thinking it is a Chipmunk, you are wrong (notice the tail). And even if you were right they are in the Sciuridae family! Now, I have seen this and even built one before, that completed pic is from last year. But, I asked if I should re-gift or build again and put on my second desk and I was told the second desk it is. So I have another lego project in my future. The hidden bonus? Nanoblock kits come with quite a few extra pieces; enough to make two extra acorns even. =) Box #4…

This one was a two-fer! First, an amazing squirrel puzzle box that I have never seen! Once opened, it came with some breath mints or the largest Quaaludes you’ve ever seen. TBD. Along with those was this great necklace that features a 1 Øre coin from Norway, known for it’s prominent squirrel featured. Most people who have received a box or envelope of shit from me have received one of these coins, but never in such great condition and never as part of a necklace. Some people wear patron saint necklaces and now I have my own.

So there you go, an absolutely incredible box that ascends past the title of ‘Box of Shit’. This was a box of brilliance.

Box of Shit: The Punkis Confluence

After removing many half-eaten Styrofoam peanuts I found the contents of this box sent by Punkis. Yes, that Punkis; the old, old, decrepit Attrition.org staff member. Bromancing the stone with Modify all those years he left the traffic of the greater Los Angeles region for the warm wonderful climate of a state within spitting distance of Canada. I invited him to our Discord server, he sent me this box. I need to invite him to more things, including the 7th annual aluminum foil eating contest hosted by Lyger.

The first thing that stood out to me was that book. What a truly wonderful book! It seems really familiar, like I might have read it in the past? Then I realized… THAT WAS MY BOOK. That asshole had it for 20 years and finally returned it. I knew he reads slow but wow…

A few highlights from the box. First, a bottle from Punkis’ stash of Horny Goat Weed, a “dietary supplement” for “libido support“. Apparently he stocked up for the pandemic and had too much stock. Bottle “sealed for your protection” a lesson he never learned even after his 18th kid.

The “Squirrel in Underpants” air freshener is a nice touch. He sent it to me after it hung in his truck for two years never making it smell better. I appreciate the unwrapped gifts like this.

The third item is actually not from his pandemic planning stash. He apparently bought 2,000 bottles of this “I Just Shit in the Woods” hand sanitizer years ago, never knowing it would be a life saver. Like many things, he overestimated how much he’d need by a wee bit.

Finally, he sent me one of his kidney stones but had the courtesy of making a nice little card saying it was this magical fossilized coral that was alive 350 million years ago. Hell, it’s probably a relative one generation removed.

I haven’t seen Punkis in a decade and more, but he certainly hasn’t lost his touch on sending the love. ❤

Box of Shit: The U.K. @w1bble Variety

It’s been a while since I wrote up a ‘Box of Shit‘ but felt it was time after receiving one from Jamie (@w1bble). He sent it from that far away place trying to find an exit or something; U.K. politics are so weird, not like the U.S. They talk funny too.

Speaking of weird, this guy and his box!

Wyld Stallyns indeed. Also “wyld” is the apparent support for Ticketmaster and hey wait, they have InfoSec style stickers?! Apparently so, and several of them. Although, I think the “MEH” one would go over well to many of their captive-audience customers who frown upon certain fees!

The box also included another sheet of InfoSec stickers along with a sheet of white stickers, shown here in great contrast for clarity. Some day I may learn photoshop and how to actually provide contrast; until then you can download the image and figure it out yourself. After moving the stickers out of the way, the box began to reveal itself!

And it revealed… more stickers. But since I am somewhat of a sticker peddler that tries to put them in the hands of people who appreciate them, I dig it. Certainly some good ones in this batch, many I had not seen before.

After throwing stickers in the air like I found new wealth I dug into the box more. The w1bble already knows I dig those “love hearts” candy after my last trip to his fruity country. Think along the lines of sweet tarts… that fizz a bit. Also included, and part of just about every box in history, is vendor swag. A suave monkey, puzzle I will send off to have done for me, “dodgy bluetooth trackers” as he calls them, mints for me to freshen up, and a smaller nicer box with more shit in it. The two circuit board thingies were “beer tokens @ 44CON, they got soldered onsite and were more interesting ..“.

Inside the little box is the true treasure! A sterling silver squirrel keychain that clearly represents the Eurasian red squirrel that are rumored to exist in the U.K. On my last visit there I saw none and was told I would have to travel far outside London to find them. Of course, I knew that to be a trap and would not venture out into the wild lands where weird Brits might abduct me and lecture me about how good their fish and chips are (Narrator: They aren’t good).

That “Scottish Consulate’s Unicorn Dust Hangover Remedy” will sure come in handy. I am so thankful for Scotland’s plentiful unicorns that provide this unlike those fantasy U.K. red squirrels you only hear about in legends.

Thanks w1bble for this very generous and well-crafted Box of Shit! I rate it 8/10. You lost a point for not including a red squirrel. And the last point is only given for the perfect box, which is like a U.K. red squirrel and doesn’t exist.

A String of Charity Auctions…

Auction #1: Attrition.org 2020 Custom Swag Pack (limited edition)
Auction #2: Attrition.org Six Acrylic Coins w/ Pouch (quantity: 15)
Auction #3: 270 Unique Stickers (Miscellaneous, InfoSec, Pop Culture, More!)


Starting this week, I will post the first of several charity auctions to eBay. I don’t know how many there will be exactly, but these will be bigger than the typical Twitter-based single sticker pack charity drives I do on occasion. The goal is for each to be significant in both what you win as well as raising money to help good causes. Ming Chow and Lei have both generously donated a lot of great InfoSec swag for the cause, so keep an eye out for t-shirts, con badges, as well as some 0day Attrition swag.

With wildfires devastating California and Colorado, among other places, providing a bit of relief will be one goal. Expect to see another charity to help an animal cause and one for military veterans. Due to the way eBay works I cannot give the winner a choice in where the money goes so please choose the one you bid on wisely.

As auctions are created I will Tweet about them on @attritionorg and appreciate any sharing on your favorite platforms (e.g. Slack, Discord, Carrier Pigeon) to reach a broader audience. In addition to the original posted item, I will add more to the final box that gets sent out based on target amounts reached in the charity auction. But first, please read this disclaimer:

Bid on what you see listed and pictured in the auction, not on what might or might not be included later. The stuff that will be added is very much in the spirit of the original ‘box of shit‘ I began sending out long ago. Generally fun or odd things that have no real value other than laughter or odd looks I hope. Any value attributed to additional items that accompany the listing is your own.

This will finally be your first chance to have a shot at the slick new Attrition acrylic coins and another chance at a set of seven new Attrition stickers.

20201101_162819

During this period of charity auctions there will be impromptu offers of one-off sticker packs or knock-off ‘Lolzo’ coins that don’t come in the nice black felt pouch (and typically don’t have all six coins). As I tend to do, they will be given out contingent on smaller charity donations. Please note that I do my best to make it so people donating are guaranteed what I offer -or- make it clear that it is ‘first-come, first-serve’ (FCFS) and that if you donate you may not necessarily receive what you hoped. This is all done in good faith with the goal of helping non-profits out during a global pandemic, when many are seeing an understandable decrease in their usual funding.

Any questions? Tweet at me so the answers can be seen by all. Really want one of those pouches of coins or sticker packs? Feel free to message an offer that involves donating to a charity in good standing, that uses at least 80% of their money for program expenses and less than 10% for admin expenses. You can see those numbers for many charities using the wonderful Charity Navigator site. For smaller charities that may be local to you or have a more personal connection feel free to DM me their web site and let me look around first.

  • There will only be two auctions that involve slick custom-made Lazlo wooden trays.
  • There will be one super-mega-pack of stickers (InfoSec and not).
  • There will be one auction with a lot of con badges. In fact, they might be split up into a couple auctions.
  • There will be one auction with InfoSec t-shirts.
  • I’ll consider charity offers on ~ 20 of the black pouches with coins starting on September 18.
  • I’ll consider charity offers on ~ 10 of the knock-off Lolzo bags with coins after September 23.

All said and done, this year’s Attrition swag cost over $1,000 to do, but supported one artist and one American company. I had originally planned on selling half of what was made to recoup those costs and then give away the rest. Since the world is in bad shape I decided it would be better to try to raise as much for charity as possible instead. I share this in hopes that anyone receiving items will bear with me on shipping speed and turnaround time. I am doing this in my limited spare time, paying postage, braving the post office, and doing all of it in good faith.

Thanks,
Brian

New attrition.org stickers! [Big Update!]

2017-10-12 Update: A kind benefactor and generous soul in the industry has sent $126 to me, to cover the cost of the entire sticker batch. Pretty sure this was their way of saying “you write too much, not reading your stupid blog”. In return, I am sending them an unsolicited envelope or box of shit (their address was part of the conditions of me accepting the money). Per their wishes, I am also now giving away the next ~ 100 stickers. I had already sold 33 and sent out an additional 26 to long-time supporters and friends. So… to share someone else’s wealth; email me your address if you’d like a sticker. Just one of the new attrition stickers, and I will probably throw in some other random sticker or two. First 100 or so to mail get them. email jericho@ my domain / twitter handle. If you can’t figure that out, no sticker for you.


In the last few weeks, I randomly poked Twitter to see who wanted stickers. A day later, I sent ~ 25 people an envelope of stickers, including an original Attrition sticker I made… 5 years ago? And a lot of hot new stickers from Risk Based Security. Long time fan of Attrition, Ming Chow, received an unsolicited Box of Shit. Once he received it, he posted a great video and some pictures of the unboxing so you can experience it too! I sent envelopes to Canada, the United Kingdom, Germany, Ethiopia, Australia, and Zimbabwe even! I also sent a large envelope of random flat junk to a con organizer in India, so he had a few give-aways for the attendees. That night of “i’ll mail a few stickers out…” ended up being ~ $70, but I am sure it brought a world of joy to the recipients! Long story short… the original stickers are finally gone.

So… I figured it was time to create a new batch, a better batch. Like last time, a somewhat limited batch, of only 300 stickers. I think the original batch was maybe 1,000 stickers, but B&W, so they lasted. This batch is smaller, but color (SCIENCE)! Due to recent changes in my life, I can’t throw money at drugs, hookers, and stickers so flagrantly. As such, I will be selling off part of this batch to recoup the cost of making them. This is good for everyone, especially me, but also means that if they go fast I am more likely to do this again. My goal is not to profit on this really, just to offset the cost so that I sell some and am free to give away the rest… likely five years down the road in a rum-fueled Twitter night. If you really want a sticker, best to grab one now. The last sticker give-away was over a couple hours one night, and many replied a day later “hey wait, I want some!” This is where you Google “race condition“.

In the interest of transparency, here are the numbers. You can figure out if this is a scam or if the stickers are overpriced.

300 Stickers
126 Base Cost (USD)

0.42 per sticker
0.03 per envelope
0.49 per stamp (domestic)
1.10 per stamp (international) =
0.94 base cost to mail one sticker domestically, or 1.55 to mail one sticker internationally

Like any legitimate retailer, I get to add “shipping and handling“! Since shipping costs are above, the ‘handling’ fee is where I get my real markup or something. If I sell 150 stickers for $2 each, then I will make $113 if half are domestic and half are international. Pretty sure more will be domestic, meaning I am closer to the $126 base cost of the stickers. To make this easier on me, since I still have to write out the envelope, get stamps, and curse you while doing it all… bottom line? I will sell 150 stickers at the following price points:

$2 for one new attrition sticker (domestic)
$3 for one new attrition sticker (international)

If you want additional stickers, I will do up to three per person, but each additional sticker is $1 though (greedy mofos). I’ll make a few bucks this way, but maybe not even enough to recoup the cost of sending out the last batch of stickers, boxes, and uber-envelopes. I’ll also be more prone to create a new batch of stickers in the future if this works. No promises. If you are still reading, then you get the information you really need! If you want new stickers, pictured below, here is the price guide:

$2 for one new attrition sticker (domestic)
$3 for two new attrition stickers (domestic)
$4 for three new attrition stickers (domestic)

$3 for one new attrition sticker (international)
$4 for two new attrition stickers (international)
$5 for three new attrition stickers (international)

If you are still interested, send the money to paypalus_at_attrition_dot_org with some indication this is for ‘stickers‘ as opposed to “hot cyber 1993 style“, and include a shipping address. If you are still concerned that I might make a few bucks, consider I also donated over $10,000 USD to charity in the last four years, so fuck you. Finally, if you do purchase any, they will get mailed out fairly quick, but I won’t be in line at the post office at 8am like a savage. Since I have no way to control this via a blog and Paypal, and I am too lazy to do this via eBay, if you are too late in ordering and I have already sold the first 150, I will refund your money. I’ll also try to update this blog to indicate the status of sales. If enough of you are crazy and I come home tomorrow night to way more than 150 stickers sold, I’ll probably send them all out and just order a 2nd batch of these.